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3/26/2004

9:54 AM

High-powered (but petty) rant

  • Mood: Raving Psychotic
  • Music: Today -- Oasis
I take promises very seriously. I think a promise by design should be a serious thing. A person's word should be binding--there are allowances for certain circumstances of course.

It's a beautiful day...warm with storms all around just waiting to blow by...yet I'm so mad I could jump up and down until I hemorrhage. (There's a story behind that joke but I don't feel like telling it today.)  It's such a tiny thing really--or a set of tiny things--but I'm livid just the same. Picture it...pre-fire night, setting up. I drag a bunch of pine up front so it can dry out and I can then enjoy it when I feel like putting in proper attendance. Hawk says there are people coming over and I say oops...better hide the pine.

No, no...the pine is for you.

Well, there's still a little bit left in the back.

No, I plan on burning the stuff (from the big limb that from the maple.)

They'll want to burn the pine.

I won't let them.

-----

There's not a scrap of pine out there this morning. YAAAAAAAARG! Worse yet there was another part to this where who was going to take out the rest of the trash was in question. I said I'd do it & then H sat down in my way so I said he could go ahead and do it.  Who did it this morning, do you think? Yeah...-ing Santa Claus, right.

High-strung I am, yes...and I realize this is stuff I shouldn't -ing sweat but it happens ALMOST CONSTANTLY! In Cleveland last weekend, just the other night over the change jar, every day really if you count the crap that was supposed to be fixed a million days ago and counting. There are days when I feel like I'm living with Jack (no, not that Jack, the other one.) And it's really funny because H won't talk to Jack over how keyed up I was during the aneurism years. (There's a story behind that joke too.) Not just because I was a raving psychopath but because H believed Jack was truly in the wrong.

And it's just creeping into my brain that what we've built here is sitting on some very flimsy foundations. Not the first time I've had that revelation but I pack it away tidily every time.  Bottom line...I'm the only one that really gives a around here. You wouldn't catch me going Oh, it, who's going to know? What's the big -ing deal. Nobody cares. 

At some point I'll give up and then all this will be forgotten because then he will be the poor, put-upon soul. I hate that pattern. I hate that nobody prepared me for the fact that best behavior wears off! I would have made vastly different choices.

April is only a few days away. That's my lighthouse. Probably his too...if he spends even a SECOND thinking about crap like this. I'm the girl...it's my -ing job.

If I had other news it's been burned out of my brain by all this .
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