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3/21/2004

10:39 AM

Neverending road trip...

  • Mood: Dazed
  • Music: Hey Jealousy -- Gin Blossoms
We got so snowed. *L* The plan was to run out to this place in KS and look at some piece of furniture D knew he didn't want to begin with...but "just in case." Then maybe whip back around and look at houses. Actually, I think the original plan was to explore the town in KS a little while but that might have been a misunderstanding. Anyway, went. Whipped. Looked. I upended my purse on the lawn of a place we might buy if they come down a little. Took a few pictures. Then the first promised stop gets railroaded and D I-swear-to-Goddess pounces and we end up in V's hometown. By then it's a little past the time he promised our road trip would end in the first place. It's funny how clever he thinks he is but everybody sees through him. We just stuck in there so V wouldn't have to deal all day alone. D's a control freak, see? And one of the worst breeds...the sort that will not only make all your plans for you but every once in awhile ask what you really want to do and then hem and haw and weep and lay on the guilt until you let him have his way. AND THEN! Then, you are a for putting him through that period of doubt. 

I have witnessed this phenomenon firsthand.

All parts separately, all parts together. Makes me want to chain smoke and drink Scotch ()...because the whole behavior thing (much like many behaviors in all of us) stems from a deeply needy place inside D...and I daresay one that doesn't see love unless on its own terms. D's is to mold what's around him into what he really wants...but it's never that way. And now I suddenly feel saddest for him. He's a brilliant guy...just emotionally twisted. The sort that if he came into the right lump of cash would buy all new friends (read: Useful People, preferrably financial backers) and wake up one day wondering why he feels hollower than ever before.

And never able to figure it out...and that's the worst part maybe. We like him enough to want him NOT to be a jerk rather than just cut contact...and I don't think that's all for the sake of V. It's steadily going that way but I remember the guy that would come over here for a cigarette and laugh over totally inappropriate things...the guy that didn't lie to us constantly about the way things are. I miss that guy. I think he was circumstantial but I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and believe he exists.

I am so off the road trip track here... *shoves all that under the carpet*  Anyway, the psychoanalysis was the most interesting part.  Nah, that's a lie. I had a pretty good time taking pictures and looking around V's parents' store. Still, I really wanted to run the dogs because it's supposed to be cold today. I haven't been out and checked yet...tho I know it got cold enough last night that w/the wind we had to bring fire night inside...that kinda sucked because Lauren came over and I think it woulda been nice for her to get the fire night experience as it was intended.

So instead, chai was poured and we ended up watching Spirited Away. Jim had a good time making fun of it but I think aside from that he enjoyed it. He paid attention and if there's anything I know from experience it's that it doesn't matter who else is into something, if he's over it he WILL move on to the next thing and take as many ppl w/him as possible. *snerk* Lauren liked it...but not the endtheme music. *chuckles* I told her that's because she's not refined. What can be done really, she's still in her Avril/Britney phase...bubblegum music and not really open to the possibility that you can like what you like no matter what genre it is. Not that I'm saying she really did like the endtheme or anything or would...just an observation. I'm all into the dissecting of the neighbors this morning.

And Karma got me on the way in from taking the dogs out...just biffed it on the stairs. One of those numbers where you spend a moment wondering how you got where you are before the pain hits. And then I had to wonder if my toes always bent like that. I think they did. No breaks. *wood rap* But...ouch man.

I've totally forgotten what we're supposed to do today. *blink* I think I may end up putting speedbumps on the stairs. *mews* Fell picture's coming along. I worked on it some last night and on the trip. Got bitched at in several counties about not doing anything with my art. But I still have to wonder who would really want it besides me. Makes a dandy paper airplane tho. Mwahahaha!

I think I'm fresh out of nearly-valid things to say. Tomorrow's a whole new deal. 
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